The Epic of Tale-Spin

As I’m working through my MA in Creative Writing, I thought it’d be fun to post some of my writing assignments. Last week’s assignment was to write a two page novel, and I had way too much fun writing this.

~~~

The Epic of Tale-Spin

Translated by Astrid Myrna

Translator’s Note: Having newly recovered this rare, completed novel from the small pond created by a soil depression and too much sprinkler water in the lawn of Mesquite Elementary School, we at the Institute of Tiny and Fragile Magical Creature (I.T.F.M.C., pronounced “it fumk”) have learned much about the mysterious culture of the American Fairy.

For one, it seems that fairies seem unable to stay in one place for very long, and for fairies who do stay in one place for some period of time, they are lauded as heroes deserving of praise and stories told about them, even written about them! To be written about appears to be a great honor in American fairy culture, and to have their story written legibly by a scribe who is not rushing to have it written is perhaps the greatest praise. Our story that we recovered was legible at first and became difficult to decipher but not impossible at the midway point in the story, clearly showing the importance of this Tale-Spin. Who he or she was, what he or she did, and if he or she actually existed are topics still hotly debated, but clearly this was a fairy of some worth to have his or her story not only told on its own, but to be mentioned in other fairies’ stories! Tale-Spin was once mentioned in the partial recovery of the Epic of Stag-Farter, which reads:

“…I curse Tale-Spin as I drink my milk…” (Anthologie of the Faerie, Brisker 297)

Of course, as we all know, Stag-Farter is of English origin, so it is very possible that The Epic of Tale-Spin may have been an English import and absorbed into Americana fairy lore. 

I may have been head translator for this precious text, but I must also thank Dr. Maya Gulper and my apprentice Leila Shu for their months-long work on this first translation of The Epic of Tale-Spin, Dr. Rei Miyamoto for referring me for this project, Trader Joe’s for their endless supply of sweet potato tortilla chips and especially those mini Belgian waffle cookies dipped in dark chocolate and covered in crushed peppermint, and most of all, thank coffee. Coffee, coffee, coffee. I guess thank coffee with a bit of vanilla extract, brown sugar, and heavy cream too.

We at I.T.F.M.C. hope that this story will spark an interest in Fairy literature and in our institution, and if you have indeed been sparked please go to http://www.itfmc.wordpress.com to learn how to donate. Hopefully by the time of this publication the social media department would have the web page up, but I’m not holding my breath.

The Epic of Tale-Spin

I stand outside. It rains. It always rains here. Forever raining, like my heart. I stand in the rain. I am still standing in the rain. I have stood in the rain for five minutes. Will I drown in this much rain? I will drown if I continue standing in this rain, but I can’t come inside. I can’t! I will bring mud in the house. I defy you rain! The rain has heard me. The rain has stopped. I declare today a holiday, and we will have parades and punch with my neighbors.

The End

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